Photo by Kriss Szkurlatowski
This may come as a bit of a surprise to any of you who have been following my blog for the past year … but today I’m writing my final article.
After this, Encouragement from a Stranger will be abandoned (it will still remain online, but I will no longer be maintaining it).
Why the “sudden” decision?
Most of the articles here are, in some way, about improving yourself, achieving goals, and breaking through the barriers to make your life worth something.
But I’ve come to the realisation that this constant obsession with goal achievement and self-improvement is a life of never-ending self-torture. And I’ve had enough of it.
So, in the circumstances, I don’t feel it would be right to continue writing here.
Does that embarrass me?
Not really. We all change, whether we aim to or not. I didn’t set out to “achieve” this particular outcome. In fact, if anything, my real goal was to grow this website into a big resource over time, and perhaps release some ebooks in the process.
But plans are often illusions.
Now I’m here instead, writing my final article.
At least this website has given me the opportunity to document this change, and maybe help others going through similar things. That’s one of the reasons I love writing and blogging so much.
Dropping hints
Although I no longer agree with most of what I’ve written on this website, there are a few articles I still agree with. In fact, these articles were hidden gems that I completely forgot about (as did most readers too):
“Is Your To-Do List Killing You?” was primarily focused on to-do lists, but it could so easily have been adapted to the broader issue of goal setting and achievements.
“Achieving a Zen-like State” talked about how I was able to find a level of contentment and peace I didn’t think was possible. While it mainly referred to one particular activity (playing a sport), it could have easily been adapted to an entire approach to living.
“Choosing To Be Happy” and “Life Would Be Perfect If Only I Had…” were about not letting external objects and events determine whether we’re happy or not. This could easily have been expanded to include goals and achievements too.
“Do You Really Need To Go To The Next Level?” was about accepting that not everything has to be about “fulfilling your potential”. The best example is this very website. I’ve pulled the plug on it just as it was gathering momentum and attention. I’ve exercised “The Art of Non-Finishing”.
“Don’t Underestimate the Side-Benefits” was about realising that the greatest rewards are often the ones we least expect. While pulling the plug on this website will mean I failed in my overall goal of building a big and popular blog, the lessons I’ve learned along the way have been well worth it.
And the ultimate side-benefit it all led to was …
The epiphany
It all made me come to the realisation that I can enjoy my life more by living without goals.
I’ve given the whole “goal setting” thing a good try over several decades. It led me to doing all sorts of interesting things: completing two university degrees, working as a tennis coach, working as a private investigator, working as a lawyer, making short films, producing a comedy television pilot, hosting a comedy show on radio for several years, doing all sorts of writing, developing all sorts of websites, teaching at university, starting my own business, and writing an entire book’s worth of content here over the past 12 months.
But you know what – despite doing all of the above, it’s never been enough.
Now I understand why.
So much unnecessary stress is caused by the need to achieve. The need to “make our mark” on the world.
There is a tendency to constantly focus on the destination, and to ignore what’s in front of us. We build up expectations of ourselves. Of others. Of what we’ll get when we achieve something.
Then we inevitably don’t get those “rewards”, and we just re-enter the same cycle again.
This is self-torture. It’s unnecessary.
Achievements will NEVER be enough, and by constantly focusing on the next “goal” you’re missing life as it happens around you right now. At least, that’s what I saw happening to me.
So I started thinking: is there a different way? Do we really need goals in life? What would happen if we lived without goals and expectations?
Exploring this concept has led to me accidentally creating a new website that I never planned for – www.livingwithoutgoals.com
I encourage you to go check it out. It’s a crowd sourced experiment, meaning that all of you can contribute in writing it with me. If you’re interested, of course…
Otherwise, this is the last article you’ll see from me here at Encouragement from a Stranger. Thank you for your support, encouragement, emails, and comments throughout the last year. Hopefully we’ve all helped each other in some way.
Signing off,
Adam Wozniak
About Adam Wozniak
Good for you! I know the overwhelming feeling you write about. Sometimes it’s best to just live and not over analyze and force life into patterns. Best of luck!
Thanks, Gary!
> Sometimes it’s best to just live and not over analyze and force life into patterns.
Agreed. Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Hi Adam, I will miss this blog, but will follow ‘living without goals’ just to see …
Sometimes I think the pressure (and set up for failure) with goals is that ‘big’ goals are aimed for. I thinks that goals are useful – but only if they are manageable/achievable. It’s the little goals that get me out of bed and keep me breathing – the goal to catch up with my parents, to write 250 words of my PhD (although that goal is getting less and less important), to listen to a new – or old – CD, to do the dishes, to watch my nephew play soccer, to feed and talk to the cat (yeah, I know, I am in danger of becoming a ‘crazy cat lady’ but what the hell is wrong with that?) to finish the book I am reading, etc….
I gave up a long time ago the goal of ‘making my mark’ in a ‘big’ way – who the fxxk am I to even think that I have it in me to make a ‘big difference’ to anyone?. I’d much rather leave my mark in a small way – being a nice person, a good friend, a good aunt, a good daughter, an effective/encouraging tutor/teacher etc. The older I get the more important the small things in life are to me. Me living life on my terms (as your ‘About Adam W’ suggests).
Your blog has been interesting and very thought provoking – well done. I look forward to watching this next phase of your life develop – and to further challenges to my thinking that you will probably generate!
Hi Rosalie,
Thanks for all your comments and feedback on this blog throughout the last 12 months. I’ve always enjoyed it.
> It’s the little goals that get me out of bed and keep me breathing – the goal to catch up with my parents, to write
> 250 words of my PhD (although that goal is getting less and less important), to listen to a new – or old – CD, to > do the dishes, to watch my nephew play soccer, to feed and talk to the cat (yeah, I know, I am in danger of
> becoming a ‘crazy cat lady’ but what the hell is wrong with that?) to finish the book I am reading, etc….
I think we’re on the same page on this one, just that we are each defining “goals” a different way. To me, what you list aren’t “goals” (at least, not the ones I envision). They’re almost like instinctual actions. You’re doing them because you want to, and you don’t have to think much about it. Eg. I doubt you’re setting a plan when/where/how long you’ll be hanging out with your family, or your cat, or with a good book or CD. You’re just doing it. I wouldn’t call that a goal.
In any case, I’m probably rambling now. You should leave your thoughts over at my new project, http://www.livingwithoutgoals.com (if you haven’t already). I think it will be interesting.
> I gave up a long time ago the goal of ‘making my mark’ in a ‘big’ way – who the fxxk am I to even think that I
> have it in me to make a ‘big difference’ to anyone?. I’d much rather leave my mark in a small way – being a
> nice person, a good friend, a good aunt, a good daughter, an effective/encouraging tutor/teacher etc. The older
> I get the more important the small things in life are to me.
That’s great. I love that. And you’re right.
> Your blog has been interesting and very thought provoking – well done. I look forward to watching this next
> phase of your life develop – and to further challenges to my thinking that you will probably generate!
Haha, thanks, Rosalie. It’s been a fun ride so far.
Hi Adam,
I learnt about your blog through ViperChill forum and now I see I am late for the party.
I want to congratulate you for your decision of enjoying life in a different way.
I have a totally different point of view though. Mine is more like what Rosalie described just above. It’s not living without goals. It’s changing your goals.
Good luck Adam,
Cristina
Hey Cristina,
Thanks for visiting! No, you’re not late to the party at all!
Thanks for your comment. So is your approach basically re-defining what “goals” are to you?
Well I’ve enjoyed your inspirational posts and occasional rantings Adam. I added a comment on the living without goals page. Personally I think it’s about living your life in a way that lets you have a say in what happens, rather than feeling helpless and watching life go by without you.
So you could choose to set goals, or follow dreams. Or you may be happy to sit back and let the chaos effect take you in unpredictable directions – but even then, those directions will be shaped by your attitude to life and the environment you create for things to happen.
Good luck with whatever you choose to make happen…
Thanks, Carolyn. I’ve enjoyed your comments on this blog throughout the last 12 months too.
> Personally I think it’s about living your life in a way that lets you have a say in what happens, rather than feeling
> helpless and watching life go by without you.
I agree with that. I’m not trying to suggest living “passively” by any means (not personally, anyway). I’m still all for doing stuff, just not doing them with an overriding goal/plan, or expectation of outcome.
Fascinating. There are insightful statements running through your post and the comments. They show that you’ve had an impact on people. That’s a huge achievement. I’m interested to see what impact living without goals will have.
Thanks, Lisa!